Jigsaw from Hell?
A woman calls her boyfriend for help with a killer jigsaw puzzle. She just can't figure out how to get it started.
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The woman says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
She shows him the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.... let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.... he sighed, "...let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
First Week of School
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
Modern Slant on the Lord's Prayer
A woman had been teaching her three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after her mother the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
Her mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail."
Flying Tourists
A tourist, arms outstretched had budgies perched from his shoulder to his wrist. A second tourist had parrots perched from his shoulder to wrist. Together they jumped off a tall bridge. Said the first tourist "I don't think much of this parrotgliding." "No" the second agreed,"I don't think much of this budgie jumping either."
Turkey Time
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
With thanks to Stephanie. For further collections plese see the
'Humour Index' on Stephanie's website
Humour Collection 1 - With Thanks to NLP Trainer Stephanie Philp
Linear Mode
